Someone is either having sex, hatching an elaborate plan to have sex or talking about someone else having sex.

We have yet another time jump and this time Rhaenyra (now Emma D’Arcy) has just given birth when she's summoned by Queen Alicent (Olivia Cooke) to present her son whose placenta literally just got cut. As some sort of strong, independent, i-can-do-the-impossible stand, Rhaenyra takes the baby herself  (and with the literal support of her breezy gay husband, Laenor) while still experiencing labour pains.

We get the picture loud and clear that Rhaenyra is still in the habit of sleeping with bodyguards - this time she has gone a few steps higher and is sleeping with the Commander of the City Watch, Ser Harwin “Breakbones” Strong (Ryan Corr). Her three sons are pale skin and brown-haired and her recklessness and utter disregard for propriety, customs and even the throne is as glaring as ever. Alicent is also done pretending that the kids are Laenor's when she channels a high school meangirl and says “Do keep trying, Ser Laenor. Sooner or later, you may get one who looks like you". Rhaenyra is not the first royal to marry a gay man for stability and she won't be the last as we see later in Game of Thrones. Without getting into colourful descriptions, there are numerous ways to get pregnant by a gay man - Laenor isn't impotent after all. He has seed, he'd just rather put it somewhere else.




Some things never change

The running theme of House of the Dragon six episodes in is how contradictory Rhaenyra is - she wants the throne but continually flouts rules and allies that could help her secure the throne, she stomps and stomps about how she doesn't want to spend her life pushing heirs but eventually concedes to marrying for throne stability and producing heirs to the throne but ends up pushing out obvious bastards. As a teenager, Rhaenyra's recklessness and indecisiveness were a little understandable - teenagers tend to be a bit skittish and irresponsible after all. But now, as a grown-ass woman who has been waiting for the throne for years, this behaviour is just exhausting.


RELATED: House of the Dragon Half-Time Review


King Viserys is very close to the grave as he looks more like a walking corpse than a human and Alicent is still trying to make Viserys see his daughter, Rhaenyra for who she really is and to convince her first son, Aegon II to sit up and fight for the throne. A whole ass decade later and Ser Criston is still bitter about his loss of naivete, Rhaenyra's rejection and how he's no longer able to sleep with her. 

We get a proper introduction to the image-perfect Targaryen heirs - Aegon II (Ty Tennant) and Aemond Targaryen (Leo Ashton) - and the Targaryen bastards Jacaerys (Leo Hart) and Lucerys Valeryon (Harvey Sadler). All of these boys except Aemond have their dragons and this is something Aemond is clearly mocked about as they tell him they have a dragon for him only to bring out a pig. Later, Alicent walks in on her son wanking out the window, a la Homelander (and also why did we have to see that?) and tries to blame the Valeryon boys for Aemond's bullying and also to remind her son that his cousins are not his friends but his rivals.

A wank-off between Aegon II and Homelander. Who would win?

The New Boytoy vs The Old Boytoy

While King Viserys tries to make a cute moment out of Aegon II and Jace sparring, Ser Criston (the one who Rhaenyra used to sleep with)and Ser Harwin (the one she's currently sleeping with) steal this moment from the King and make it all about which one of them has raised/trained the boys better. Ser Harwin is clearly particular about how his student/son is treated and it's plain to see as Ser Criston points out only to get his nose broken by Ser Breakbones. *dramatic sigh* Does no one respect the King?

As some heroic and noble effort, Lord Lyonel Strong tries to quit his role as Hand of the King over his son's indiscretions - punching Ser Criston and the other indiscretion which, unlike Otto Hightower, he doesn't have the nerve to name. King Viserys refuses his resignation but gives him leave to escort Ser Harwin to Harrenhal. Alicent, utterly disappointed in Lord Lyonel Strong's tight-lipped nature, goes to whine to his son Lord Larys Strong about how she has no allies (how is this possible?) Larys takes matters into his own hands and in a moment that perfectly sums up House of the Dragon deaths so far, enlists recently de-tongued prisoners to burn his father and brother to death.



Without any character insight, it's very difficult to have anything other than a "what the fuck" reaction to the burning of The Strongs. Did they give Larys a world of shit? did they deserve it? House of the Dragon seems to be going after the shocking deaths fashion of Game of Thrones but without a well-developed subplot, it's just hollow. Would Viserys' death (from Game of Thrones) have been that satisfying if we didn't know how he treated Daenerys and exactly why Daenerys stood by while her brother was burned to death by hot gold? Would Tywin's death on the pooper have hit different if we didn't know just how he treated Tyrion all his life?

We also have another shocking death in form of Laena Valeryon. She's in labour for another one of Daemon's babies and Daemon is notified that history is about to repeat itself with what happened with his first sister-in-law. Before Daemon can make a hard choice between cutting his wife open while she remains conscious or letting the baby go and saving his wife, Laena somehow staggers out of the room (without anyone stopping her) and orders her dragon, Vhagar to burn her to death. House of the Dragon might say they gave viewers an inkling to her death with Laena's flyaway comment that she wants a dragon rider's death but that barely explains anything.

Back in Red Keep, Rhaenyra realizes she hasn't been as sleek as she thought with her bastards when her son weepingly asks "mommy are we bastards?" Okay fine so maybe he didn't say that but he asks if Harwin Strong is his father and Rhaenyra decides it's time to cut her losses and run to Dragonstone (but not before she offers a marriage alliance between Jace and Helena and Alicent sees right through it). The heir to the throne absent from court, what could possibly go wrong?

So far, House of the Dragon is well produced, the costumes are detailed and the scenery is sometimes pretty but the characters are mightily underdeveloped - the only characters we truly know are Alicent, Rhaenyra, Daemon and Viserys. With precious minutes wasted on sexy time and close-up views of characters' butts instead of backstories, every other character seems to exist in a vacuum, just waiting to drop dead when the story demands. But without any backstory, their deaths are hollow and come off as nothing other than cheap shock value. The result is a good-looking less-than-average show riding on nothing other than the coattails of its predecessor.